Why Talking About Death is Essential

Only two things in life are certain to happen to us all. We are all born, and we will all die. So why do so many of us still find it difficult to talk about death? And why is it important that we should? In this post, I look at some of the reasons people may find this difficult. I discuss why talking about death is important, and how to start the conversation

Why don’t we like talking about death?

There are several reasons why people might not want to talk about death. It may be that they don’t want to upset their loved ones, or they worry about saying the wrong thing. It could also be the fear that talking about death will somehow make it happen sooner, or fear of not knowing what will happen. Or it could simply be that they just don’t like to talk about it and find it “morbid”.

Why is it important to discuss death?

But here’s the thing: talking about death and your funeral wishes now can make the practicalities much easier for your family when the time comes. Getting the legal aspects in place (power of attorney, advance directives and wills) can make planning for care provision easier. This can also help to reduce family conflict. Having open and honest conversations about death can reduce a lot of the emotional distress and fear surrounding it. Also, knowing what type of funeral you would like can take away some of the stress of planning this for your family. Obviously it will still be emotionally difficult for them when the time comes. But getting things in place now to make the process easier is one of the best things you can do for them.

How to start the conversation

Choose the right time: pick a moment where neither of you are feeling stressed or rushed.

Talk face to face without distractions nearby.

Don’t rush it: give the other person time to think and share their thoughts without rushing them or judging their feelings.

If you’re not sure how to start, try asking a simple question, such as “have you thought about what music you’d like at a funeral”?

You don’t have to cover everything in the one conversation. Break it down into multiple small ones.

Watch the other person’s body language and reactions. They may not be ready to have the conversation yet. If they’re not, don’t force it. Make them aware they can talk to you about anything when they are ready.

Be honest about feelings: it’s OK to say if it feels awkward or uncomfortable. The other person may be feeling the same.

Use clear and honest language. It’s important to avoid euphemisms (such as passed away or gone to sleep), particularly if you’re talking to someone with dementia, a learning disability or a child.

It isn’t an easy conversation to start. But having it can make all the difference in the future.

Further Information

Hospice UK has lots of useful tips for starting conversations about death and dying. Talking about death and dying | Hospice UK